Holiday Blues: Why You Don’t Have to Feel Merry All the Time

Even though it’s the “season to be jolly”, it’s okay if you’re not feeling 100%. Many people experience the “holiday blues, a period of feeling down, stressed, or exhausted despite the festive atmosphere. There’s a lot of pressure to appear cheerful, but feeling sad or anxious during the holidays is more common than you might think. Surveys have shown that a majority of people report heightened stress or sadness at this time of year. You are not alone, and there’s nothing wrong with you for having mixed emotions during the holidays.

What Are the Holiday Blues?

Holiday blues refers to those temporary feelings of sadness, anxiety, or gloom that some people get during the holiday season. Unlike clinical depression or Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), holiday blues are usually short-lived and tied to the season, but that doesn’t make them any less real. Mental health experts note that these blues often fade after the holidays end, but they should still be taken seriously, especially if they last more than a couple of weeks.

Why do the holidays sometimes make us feel low, even when we’re “supposed” to be merry? There are several common reasons:

• Unrealistic expectations: The image of a perfect Christmas (smiling families, lavish meals, constant joy) rarely matches reality. Striving for a picture-perfect holiday can set you up for disappointment and stress. In fact, 57% of people in one survey said unrealistic expectations contributed to their holiday sadness. Psychologists have found that perfectionists often feel more distress and less satisfaction during holidays compared to others, so chasing perfection can backfire.

   

• Pressure to be happy: We often feel we should be happy during the holidays. Believing that “everyone else is having a great time” can amplify feelings of inadequacy or loneliness. This myth of constant cheer is powerful, but remember that people usually don’t broadcast their tough moments.

   

• Loneliness or grief: The emphasis on family and togetherness can make loneliness more painful. If you’ve lost a loved one or can’t be with family, the holidays may bring up grief and nostalgia. About 66% of people report feeling lonely or isolated during the holidays, and 55% say they end up dwelling on happier times from the past¹ It’s normal to miss people or feel a void, even as others celebrate.

   

• Financial and time stress: Gift-giving, travel, and gatherings can strain your budget and schedule. Around 68% of people say they feel financially strained by holiday expenses. Trying to afford gifts and organise events, often on top of work or personal responsibilities, can be overwhelming. Feeling overextended (and overtired) is a recipe for stress.

   

• Social comparisons: In today’s world, social media can pour fuel on the fire. Your feed might be full of friends posting highlight reels of perfect decorations, happy families, and extravagant gifts. Comparing your life to these curated images is unfair; you’re seeing a filtered reality. Heavy use of social media is actually linked to greater feelings of loneliness and envy. Reminding yourself that Instagram isn’t the full story can help reduce the pressure to keep up appearances.

   

• Exhaustion and burnout: The holidays can be physically and emotionally draining. Rushing around to cook, clean, shop, and meet everyone’s expectations often means you get run down. All the changes in routine (late nights, rich food, constant socialising) can also impact your energy and mood. It’s hard to feel merry when you’re exhausted.

   

It’s important to recognise these factors and acknowledge your feelings. There’s no need to pretend; it’s okay not to feel merry all the time. Once you understand why you might be down, you can take steps to cope.

Coping with the Holiday Blues

While you may not be able to eliminate the holiday stress or sadness completely, there are healthy ways to cope and find moments of genuine joy. Here are some strategies to help you navigate this time of year with more ease and self-compassion:

1. Practise Self-Compassion: Instead of judging yourself for feeling down, treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a good friend. It’s okay to not be okay. Allow yourself to have your feelings without self-criticism. Research shows that people who are kinder to themselves tend to experience less anxiety and depression. If you catch your inner voice saying “I should be happier,” gently counter it with a kinder thought (e.g. “Others feel like this too. It’s understandable that I’m stressed, and I’m doing my best.”). By practising self-compassion, you’ll build resilience and calm in the face of holiday challenges.

    

2. Set Realistic Expectations: Let go of the idea of a “perfect” holiday. No family gathering or celebration is ever perfect, and that’s perfectly alright. Try to focus on a few things that matter most to you (such as spending time with a couple of close friends or enjoying a favourite tradition) rather than trying to do everything. When plans don’t go exactly as imagined, remind yourself that it doesn’t have to be ideal to be enjoyable. Keeping expectations modest can significantly reduce pressure and stress. In turn, you might find you actually enjoy the holidays more once you stop pressuring yourself to make every moment magical.

    

3. Limit Comparisons and Social Media: If scrolling through Facebook or Instagram is leaving you feeling worse, give yourself permission to take a break or set time limits on social apps. Remember, what people share online is a highlight reel, not an honest documentary of their life. When you stop comparing, you free yourself to appreciate your own situation without the filter of others’ seemingly perfect posts. Studies have found that excessive social media use is associated with increased feelings of loneliness and FOMO (fear of missing out). So unplug when you need to, and focus on real-life connections or activities that make you feel grounded.

    

4. Find Small Joys and Moments of Rest: You don’t need grand festivities to lift your spirits. Identify small, simple activities that you genuinely enjoy and weave them into your days. This could be stepping outside for a walk in the fresh air, watching a comfort movie, curling up with a good book, or enjoying a hot cup of tea. Savour these moments fully. When you slow down and appreciate little pleasures, they can brighten your mood. In fact, psychologists have found that consciously focusing on small positive experiences (like practising gratitude or savouring the moment) can boost happiness and reduce stress. Some people find it helpful to keep a gratitude journal, jotting down a couple of things they’re thankful for each day, this simple habit has been shown to increase positive emotions. By finding joy in the little things, you remind yourself that the holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful.

    

5. Stay Connected (in a Way That Feels Right): Feelings of isolation can worsen the blues, so try to stay connected with people who support you. This doesn’t necessarily mean forcing yourself to attend every party; it’s about finding a level of social contact that comforts rather than drains you. Maybe invite a friend for a low-key catch-up, or call a family member you trust and be honest about feeling a bit down. You might be surprised that many others feel exactly the same pressure and emotional ups and downs. If you don’t have loved ones nearby, consider volunteering or attending a community event – helping others or just being around friendly faces, even briefly, can provide a sense of connection and purpose. That said, it’s also okay to set boundaries. If certain gatherings or relatives trigger more stress, give yourself permission to skip or limit those interactions. Balance social time with moments of solitude to recharge as needed.

    

Lastly, remember that authenticity is better than a fake smile. You don’t owe anyone constant cheerfulness. Allowing yourself to be real, whether that means shedding a few tears or stepping outside for a breather during a noisy gathering, is far healthier than bottling everything up. By being kind to yourself and managing expectations, you can ease the weight of the holiday blues.

If your sadness feels overwhelming or lingers long after the holidays, consider reaching out to a healthcare professional or counsellor for support. Otherwise, embrace the fact that it’s okay not to feel merry all the time. The holiday season may not be only jolly, and that’s normal. Be gentle on yourself, and focus on what truly matters to you. Sometimes, the most meaningful holiday moments are the honest, imperfect ones.

References:

1. Mental Health and the Holiday Blues | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness. (n.d.). Www.nami.org. https://www.nami.org/press-releases/mental-health-and-the-holiday-blues/
   
2. American Psychological Association. (2023). Even a joyous holiday season can cause stress for most Americans. Apa.org. https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2023/11/holiday-season-stress
   
3. Primack, B. A., et al. (2017). Social Media Use and Perceived Social Isolation Among Young Adults in the U.S. American journal of preventive medicine, 53(1), 1–8.
   
4. MacBeth, A., & Gumley, A. (2012). Exploring compassion: a meta-analysis of the association between self-compassion and psychopathology. Clinical psychology review, 32(6), 545–552.
   
5. Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: an experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of personality and social psychology, 84(2), 377–389.